Happy 16th Birthday Tanner!

November 25 ~ My baby boy is 16 on this day.

I ache for him.  I long to see his smile, feel his hugs, and hear his laughter once again.....

The memories are haunting.  Beautiful and painful, at the same time.

Do you think of me today?  Do you know how much that you are loved?

Your humour and wit, your innocence and abilities for unconditional love, your tender-heart, your sensitive soul -- these are the things which bring me the most pride and joy when I think of you.

My dear, sweet Tanner.......
Please know my heart is with you always, most especially on this day of your birth.  The anticipation of your long-awaited arrival looms fresh in my mind.  Such an exciting moment when a mother gets to hold her blessed newborn babe in her arms for the very first time.

I love you more than there are stars in the sky, and I will cherish and protect our memories for an infinite eternity.

Happy Birthday Tanner ~ Gzaagin xo

Always and forever xo

Happy 18th Birthday to my Mason! xo

1- A brother's bond runs deep & true.  Always know that what creation has joined together can never come undone unless you allow it.  My dream is that one day I will have all my boys together again - under one roof - to celebrate the love and joy that was meant to be..

2- You and your dog. Sheera & Mason   What more can I say?  She was your everything - and you were everything to her.....

3- Those faces!  My spunky monkey - taken just prior to your 2nd birthday   One of my faves xo

4- Tristan was the proudest big brother

5- This photo was taken at Ted's celebration of life in Sagamok, around the sacred fire   Remember your teachings - remember where you came from - remember who you are.....

6- Where's Mason? (giggle giggle)  Oh there he is...hiding in my cupboards!!  Always up to something!!!

7- Taken at Niagara Falls.  Mason - you were in a sour mood - not wanting any part of these photos.  I told you to smile so we could go have fun---this is what you gave me   Impish grin -- mischief in those snapping eyes!!

8- More brotherly love---always catching you guys sharing your moments and had to take a pic!

9- You caught salad!!

10- Guitar Hero -- this photo says it all.....

11- Your turn to be the PROUD BIG BROTHER!!   Baby Tanner finally arrived!!!

12- Taken in Wikwemkoong -- our favourite family destination.  One day we will recreate this -- I will manifest it

13- Your 6th birthday!  You asked for chocolate cake baked in the round pan   Your wish is my command my boy!! xo

14- The infamous boot cake!!  The day I brought that cake book home you went through it til you almost wore the pages out!!  I made the dinosaur, butterfly, fire truck, monster truck, easter bunny, space shuttle, train, christmas tree, and you wanted this with eager anticipation!!!  A cowboy boot - just like Woody wore lol Toy Story

Mason Blake Golder --- my heart, my soul, my everything.....
My birthday wish for you is this ---- go forth and know how very loved you are Thank you for the memories xoxoxo

As long as I'm living, MY BABY you'll be xo

They say there's nothing quite like the love between a mother and her son.........
.........and that a picture speaks a thousand words..........

Dear Mason,
I remember this day vividly.  I had finished feeding you and you were happy and content.  You laid back in my arms, smiling and cooing and I needed to capture it to remember for all time.

I know this may be hard for you to believe, but my dear sweet boy, there hasn't been one single day of your life that you haven't been in my thoughts and prayers.

I remember you with the biggest smile in my heart, and on days like this when I choose to sit and reflect on our time together ~ and our time apart ~ the tears are inevitable.

You're 17 now; almost a man.  No matter your age, or how tall you are, you'll always be my baby.

I love you more than the stars in the sky 💕

Always and forever,
your Mom xo

These are for you cuz you're Crazy 4 Daizies!

Facebook post - May 3, 2011

Original Facebook Post:  May 3, 2011.

"My sweet boy was constantly picking me daisies and drawing daisies on my shopping lists in my coloured glitter pens. I still remember the day he came to me at my desk and said, "here mom, I picked these for you - I know they are your favourite cuz you're Crazy 4 Daizies"!!

Bless his wee heart----miss him so much "

Mason,  I don't know if you'll remember this but you were always doodling daisies or sunflower pics for me!  I saved a grocery list that you had made and kept it on our fridge for many, many years, written with glitter pens in your child script, adorned with colourful daisies.  I still have this vase and whenever I look at it, I remember this day fondly.

Some of my fondest memories are of your warm hugs and twinkling eyes as we'd hug every morning before you left for school and you'd tell me....."I love you Mom".

Ya know what kiddo......I love you too xo

POST 1 ~ Dear Family......

Dear Family, ~ or whoever may be reading this at some point ~

My life's purpose has always been about the greater good of ALL.

At times I've had to step away to allow the dust to settle, & pray & heal & restore my strength to pursue what lies ahead.

My dear boys ~ you ~ each and every one ~ a true blessing to my life, and you are the reason why I choose to move forward in my chosen path(s).

My heart is filled with thoughts of you daily.  I envisioned each of you before you came to be.

I prayed to receive the gift that you are ~ and I hold such precious memories inside of me ~ of each of you & the experiences which we've endured together.

Today I looked at photos from our time in the Maritime provinces......(I digress back to the thoughts and memories during this time)....

Tristan ~ dear, sweet boy of 3 ~ and Mason (9-12 months) ~ toddling about with your never-ending energy and vibrant smile ~ BOTH of you such happy, amazing little souls.

Beach Babies ~ wash off the Atlantic Ocean salt & sand before I lay you down to dream xo

My heart could burst with all the love I have for you.....

Tanner ~ not yet here, but deeply embedded in my soul.  My thoughts are emblazened of visions of bringing another little boy into my arms ~ creating my perfect image of our family.

Brendan, Tristan, Mason, and Tanner~

I only ever wanted the best for us, and for a few good years we had that together.

The photos prove it all and I intend to start at the beginning and allow each of you to have a memento of your childhood from your mother's point of view ~ for I was your first and only photographer!!

Shared memories or not ~ you will see the joy ~ and the love ~ when you gaze upon them one day.

I pray for our healing ~ May we all one day return to that peace, love, and harmony that we possessed within us as we entered into this world.  May our hearts beat in unison once again ~ and may I one day hold each of you in my ever-loving arms again...... 

With all my love,

Momma Bear xo

Melissa Roy-Hiller

Dawson Creek, BC

May 2, 2018